Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Who put my cat in the fridge?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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