They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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