Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
