On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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