so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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