I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
