we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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