Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
