Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
