I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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