He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
