I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
