If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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