used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
