I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
