I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
