he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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