theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I supernannyed him into submission
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
