we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
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Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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