I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
