We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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