and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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