Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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