white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
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