Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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