Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
