can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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