Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
