DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just invented taco cereal.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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