I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
