I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize