ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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