I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
