he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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