I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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