Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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