woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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