I wanna passion pit in your ass
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
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Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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