I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
