It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
