this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
