i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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