Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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