apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
