I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
