i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
