He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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