i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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