She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
