there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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