home. puking in laundry basket.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
