Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
