at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
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The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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