There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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