he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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