she was so not down for the gang bang
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
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My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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