I am spending my child support on dildos
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
