i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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