I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
