i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
