Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
