I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
