you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
