Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
nutella sex= disaster
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
