When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
