It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
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i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
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She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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