he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
