"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize