people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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