Redeem this text for a blowjob
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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